Crying In the Darkness: An Anthology of Letters
by Jadis Ionian
Summary: An series of one-shots, many in letter form, written by Jedi (and a couple non-Jedi) at the time of the Purge.


Disclaimer: No, I do not own Star Wars. However, Jadis Ionian, Master Methrikir, and Master Kay are my creations. So are any typos. :)

A/N: This is a reposting, after considerable revision. Whether or not you read it the first time 'round, constructive criticism is more than welcome.

* * *

It's dark in here. Not so much a visible darkness as a feeling of oppression. Darkness I can see has never bothered me; it's the darkness I cannot that frightens me.

I know I am going to die and I cannot help but fear it. I shouldn't; I am a Jedi Padawan, and have been taught from earliest childhood that fear is the beginning of the path to the Dark Side. And to fear _death_, well, as I have often heard Master Methrikir say, 'there is no death, there is the Force'.

But in the course of this slaughter I have begun to question some of the things I was taught. I learned that the Dark Side was quicker, easier, more seductive, but never stronger than the Light. If this is so, then why are more and more Jedi killed by the Sith every day? It does not matter if we flee or stand and fight: eventually we are caught. Master Kay and I ran for months, never staying in one place for long, but they found us. I do not know why we weren't immediately executed, as the new law passed by the so-called Emperor requires. They only threw us in this cell with other captured Jedi.

Every so often—sometimes it seems like minutes, sometimes like days; time passes queerly here—They come to the door and take another of us away. I know it will be my turn before long, and I am trying so hard to push away this fear that threatens to choke me, but oh! it is not easy. When Master Kay first took me as her padawan, more than ten years ago, I sometimes could not sleep when we were away from the Temple. Master Kay always knew when this was and would come into my room and put an arm around me; I would fall asleep leaning against her, knowing I was safe.

I half wish I were still that little girl, so she would hold me again. She is busy now, helping tend to the wounds of the others. But through our bond she senses my fear and soothes me as best she can. She, too, knows we are going to die, and she accepts it with the calmness that befits a Jedi. I cannot.

I remember the first time I truly realized the horror of death. I had seen it before; Master Kay and I fought in the Clone Wars, and I have seen many die on the battlefield. But that was different, somehow. I didn't truly feel its impact until I saw children killed.

It was after Palpatine had declared the Jedi traitors and ordered our 'complete extermination', and I had just returned to the Temple with Master Kay.

Then They attacked. It is a cruel irony that the soldiers—clones—who so recently fought beside us and under our command have become servants of the Monster. We had some little warning of the attack beforehand, and many of the crèche children had escaped off-world, but not all. I was racing through the Temple halls, trying desperately to find my master and stay alive, when I came upon a scene which is indelibly printed in my memory: It was a master, one I vaguely recognized as one of my old teachers, trying vainly to protect a group of children—not more than five or six years old—from a squad of troopers. He never even had a chance. They killed him, and then they proceeded to shoot the children. I didn't know it was possible for any sentient being to be so cruel.

It was over in seconds and the squad was off looking for more victims. They never even saw me, a young woman standing frozen in the shadows, tears running down my face.

I think that's where Master Kay found me a few minutes later, looking at the small, still bodies and weeping, but I don't really remember. Even now I couldn't tell you how we managed to get out of that hellhole alive. But I am still haunted by the memory of those men in white armor, the smell of charred flesh, the cries of the children, and the sound of the bodies hitting the floor.

I can write no more. I am tired, so tired, and when They come I must have the strength to crush my fear and meet them as a Jedi should, knowing that Light must triumph!

May the Force be with all who fight for freedom.

Jadis Ionian


End file.
